Monday, January 10, 2011

How Funny...

...that I spent last week advising two friends and trying to help them save their marriage from the problems arising from the grief of losing a child...and here I am, struggling to keep my own marriage from falling apart.

I think my husband put it well when he said that I feel like I have no control over anything and that making the decision to leave him would be one of the few things I do have control over and would make me feel like I had regained control over my own life.
Pretty astute and pretty accurate.

I feel like I'm having an identity crisis. With everything that has happened in the past two years with me losing my mom and effectively becoming an adult orphan, losing 3 babies and all hope of being a stay at home mom and housewife, my only surviving child going back to school and me not being a homeschool mom, not having a job and no career prospects with a degree I cannot use......WHO AM I AND WHAT THE HECK SHOULD I BE DOING?

I am SO lost and so confused right now...maintaining my marriage and dealing with all the issues arising from our current circumstances and dealing with his ex and his kids and our financial issues, etc...I just feel like throwing in the towel. Not because I don't love my husband, just out of sheer mental and emotional exhaustion.

I just want peace from pain and worry and anxiety and drama and everything else.


  1. Praying for peace with everything.

  2. I recently put my son in preschool just one day a week. It really threw me for a loop and I had I very hard time with it for several weeks. I think it's harder for us BLMs to let anyone else take care of our living children.

    You have been through so much more, losing your parents and 3 babies, it is so much. I hope you can be gentle with yourself. And I pray that you will find some peace and rest.