Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Un-Birthday?

Well, today is the day that Becca would possibly have been born had my cervix not given out on me. Hard to say, since babies aren't usually born on their due dates, but today should have been that day.

I don't have any huge, over-whelming emotions right now...just a sort of resigned sadness that comes with the acceptance of loss. I miss my daughter so much, but I can't go back in time and even if I could, I doubt very much that there is anything I could have done to change the outcome.

I also don't want to dwell on the loss of Rebecca Lane, nor do I want to delve back in and relive those two weeks in the hospital.

All I want to do is acknowledge her life and death, and share some very precious photos of her right after birth while she was still of my daughter living and with her heart beating....(*her coloring was due to her skin being thin from being so premature and from the lack of oxygen since her lungs were not developed yet. She was very much alive in these photos, and perfectly formed...she was just not finished growing yet...born too soon.)

Mommy loves you so much, Becca. Give Jimmy a kiss for me and tell him Happy Valentines Day. Thinking of you always....I read something the other day that sums up how I feel and it went something like this:

"I have heard that time in heaven as compared to time on earth is like the blink of an eye. This comforts me. I like to think that you are in heaven, running and laughing through golden fields with sunshine and happy and so distracted that by the time you think to turn around and look for me, I will already be there."

Sweet Jesus, heaven is going to be such a beautiful day I'll get to be with ALL my children and never have to cry or say goodbye again. I can't wait!

Loving you with all my heart today, sweet babies...Love Mommy.


  1. Awe hugs to you, sending my love. <3 Becca <3

  2. She is a cutie for sure and from one angel mom to another, I'm hoping better days for you

  3. Oh Katie, I am so sorry. I had thought that Becca's due date was not for another couple of days after Valentines Day. I can't imagine what a double whammy it was when I texted you to let you know that I was in labor with Elim on Becca's supposed to be due date. Had I known it was on the 14th I would have waited until the day after to let you know or post anything on facebook. I thought I would have been making it easier to take to warn you ahead of time so you weren't bombarded by stuff on facebook but I think I probably made it worse. Please accept my apologies. Sending tons of hugs your way.

    Becca is such a beautiful little girl, thank you for sharing more pictures of your sweet little one.