Well, today is the day that Becca would possibly have been born had my cervix not given out on me. Hard to say, since babies aren't usually born on their due dates, but today should have been that day.
I don't have any huge, over-whelming emotions right now...just a sort of resigned sadness that comes with the acceptance of loss. I miss my daughter so much, but I can't go back in time and even if I could, I doubt very much that there is anything I could have done to change the outcome.
I also don't want to dwell on the loss of Rebecca Lane, nor do I want to delve back in and relive those two weeks in the hospital.
All I want to do is acknowledge her life and death, and share some very precious photos of her right after birth while she was still alive...pictures of my daughter living and with her heart beating....(*her coloring was due to her skin being thin from being so premature and from the lack of oxygen since her lungs were not developed yet. She was very much alive in these photos, and perfectly formed...she was just not finished growing yet...born too soon.)
Mommy loves you so much, Becca. Give Jimmy a kiss for me and tell him Happy Valentines Day. Thinking of you always....I read something the other day that sums up how I feel and it went something like this:
"I have heard that time in heaven as compared to time on earth is like the blink of an eye. This comforts me. I like to think that you are in heaven, running and laughing through golden fields with sunshine and butterflies...so happy and so distracted that by the time you think to turn around and look for me, I will already be there."
Sweet Jesus, heaven is going to be such a beautiful place....one day I'll get to be with ALL my children and never have to cry or say goodbye again. I can't wait!
Loving you with all my heart today, sweet babies...Love Mommy.