What An Odd Feeling..

...we had a neighbor that adopted a baby boy a couple years ago from a family member of hers.
She told me a couple months ago that the same family members were about to put up another baby for adoption.
I called her on Wednesday to ask her if they would consider me for placement of the baby girl, but she didn't answer her phone.
Last night, our other neighbors on the other side had a stork and balloons in their yard...they have no children of their own and have been wanting kids for over a decade.
I put two and two together, and it was confirmed this morning when I finally got my other neighbor on the phone. She said she didn't know we had lost our baby last week, and when she was making her decision she thought I was still pregnant...plus, she said our other neighbors have NO children whatsoever and at least Rusty and I have kids even if its not with each other.
I am so happy for my neighbors because they are such a loving couple and have been wanting kids for so long. I am also trying hard not to feel sorry for myself because I have no right to be upset...that baby was not meant for me, that baby was meant for them.

God is sending my husband's teenage son back to us from TX...he doesn't like the school down there and wants to come home. This is a HUGE blessing for my husband. HUGE. We have to come up with money for the lawyer to draw up the new custody and child support papers and I have to remind myself that if God had given us that baby, we would be running around using that money to get a lawyer to do the adoption paperwork (my neighbors had to have it all done very quickly, they said it was a very hectic situation) and we wouldn't have been able to focus on my husband's son.

That baby was a blessing meant for our neighbors, not for us. That baby was the answer to their prayers, and my husband's son coming home is an answer to our prayers.

I hope God understands if I am still just a tiny bit disappointed that wasn't my baby...but I believe that He will resolve this whole baby desire issue for me in His time and in His way...look at my neighbors...they have prayed for a baby for over a decade and then all of a sudden in less than 48 hours they got a baby!!

Please God, help me to keep things in perspective and be grateful for the blessings I have been given.
Thank you so much for blessing my neighbors and answering their prayers, and thank you so much for answering our prayers and sending my husband's son back...please bless their relationship and help to mend the broken pieces between them. Please help me to be a good stepmother and continue to be a good mother to my son.

And in your time, please do something about this baby-sized hole in my heart!

Amen.