When I was a kid...

...I wanted to be a hero some day.

After a traumatic childhood that warrants writing a novel (but I'm too lazy!), turns out I was pretty much beat down and cowardly...playing the victim seemed to be a role I was stuck in over and over until I went through years of therapy.

Now, after everything I've been through in life, and especially losing my babies, I sometimes feel like it takes heroic actions just to get through normal everyday things.

I don't suppose I'll ever get to be a hero like Mother Teresa or Joan of Arc like I daydreamed when I was a little girl, but that doesn't mean that I can't be an inspiration...and it doesn't mean that I won't have to be a hero in my own life...facing surgery tomorrow, seems like I'll need some of that courage I thought I had when I was a girl.

Maybe, God will give me a living baby this go 'round, and then I will get to feel like all of these things I suffered through the past couple of years were just heroic actions leading to getting my daughter here....

Off to my pre-op, and then surgery tomorrow morning.