...is something I seem to be doing a lot these days. I cry out in pain and he's the only one who knows exactly what I've been through, right?
I have spent the past 3 weeks feeling more alone than I think I have ever been in my life. I finally reached a point where I began to realize that life doesn't seem to have a whole lot of meaning outside of suffering...I have forgotten how to be happy, and the little things I used to find joy in seem like hollow and meaningless distractions to me now.
My driving force, the one thing keeping me from just giving up and dying, is the hope that I can still find another reason to live...something solid, substantial, and with a deeper meaning than just finding distractions to fill my day with and meaningless activities to get me through life.
I need something real! I need hope and I need a reason to live.....but the biggest thing so far has been the loneliness. The feeling that, while there are people who have suffered and who are suffering, there is no one who knows what *this* feels like.
Spoke to a friend on the other side of the world today who is going through this too...I cannot explain why, but for some reason, knowing that they know how this feels, EXACTLY how this feels, takes a burden and a weight off of my shoulders and gives me hope.
What a delightfully odd feeling.