A lot has happened in the past week or so...car wreck, tornadoes, etc. I really should comment on that, but I'm not going to. Everyone in my immediate family is ok, and this blog is really about pregnancy and loss and I'd like to keep it that way.
I just got off the phone with the hospital in Jackson where Becca was born and died. I've never gotten any of her records from them even though they took her placenta off for analysis and some bloodwork as well, I'm assuming.
When I went in to my regular doctor for my 6 week post-partum checkup, I asked him about the test results and their findings and analysis and he said they never sent him anything and I didn't really press the issue.
Now, 6 months later, I'm ready to know if they found anything and what, if any, conclusions they were able to draw about her cause of death and/or anything that may have been wrong with her.
All I really know is that she was beautiful, and perfect, and she was born too soon for some reason...I need to know if there was anything wrong with the placenta or her bloodwork that might indicate anything other than the theory that I had an incompetent cervix.
Anyway, I have to sign a medical release form, so they are mailing it to me today. Hopefully I will get it on Friday and mail it back so that I can have the results by next week.
Not sure how I feel about it...part of me hopes that they find some abnormality that could help explain Jimmy's death as well and pin this down as some genetic defect between my husband and I that caused pre-term labor and not an incompetent cervix so we could have real answers, see a geneticist, and possibly explore other options. A genetic incompatability between my husband and I might take away some of this weight and hurt that it was my body that failed her....it would also mean that I wouldn't have to get a cerclage and could carry a baby to term in the future, even if it wasn't genetically my husband's.
On the other hand, if everything comes back normal, then my husband and I can make plans to try one more time....but all the pressure will be on me again, and the praying and hoping that a cerclage would work.
I just don't know.