Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Routine Visit?

I have my regularly scheduled visit with the Baby Doctor in less than an hour. I'm in near-full-panic mode. My tummy is upset, my mouth is dry, my palms are sweaty, my heart is racing....I wish I was a normal person!
A normal person would be excited and eating breakfast and smiling and maybe listening to some music and wondering what to wear and if she had time to shave her legs in the shower and oh maybe I'll put a little mascara on and what earrings go with the shirt I have picked out and probably daydream during the shower about the baby and how cute its going to be on the ultrasound and making a mental list of who all to call after the doctor visit.
Me? I'm panicking, know I need to eat something but can't, wishing my heart would stop racing, the more I try to calm myself down the more I panic, have not taken a shower yet, don't care what I'm wearing, and spending 100% of my energy right now trying NOT to think about the baby and the ultrasound and the doctor visit.

Why is this the path I'm on? Did God choose it for me or did I get here on my own by all the decisions I've made along the way?

I wish I could be happy instead of so fearful. Wish I could think positively instead of so negatively.

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