Spent an hour with my counselor today. What a relief to hear it from someone else's mouth that I'm not crazy, and given the emotional, physical, and psychological stresses of the past year that I'm doing my best.
Also good to hear that the mistakes I made last night were no more or no less "crazy" then many people who would be in a similar situation, and this wouldn't be the first or last time in my marriage I would feel this way...but not to think I'm crazy or feel broken because I'm not. I'm healing and PREGNANT.
I may be physically and emotionally incapacitated right now because of my grief and my current pregnant state....but it won't be like this forever.
I have always had an independent spirit, and I will be strong again, just not yet.
Taylor (My 8 year old son) skated through the living room on his roller skates in nothing but his batman undies and a homemade cape made out of a blanket, laughing and yelling "Captain Underpaaaaaaaants!" I couldn't help but smile. I love being his mother.
I hope and I pray that God will let me mother this new little one here on earth as well instead of like Jimmy in heaven.
I apologized to Taylor for ruining his evening last night. He said "how did you ruin my evening?" I told him that I knew he was looking forward to going to church last night (he got all dressed up all on his own) and disappointed that we didn't get to go because I was arguing with his step-dad.
I told him that it was my fault and I was sorry.
He was quite forgiving and said a few things in my defense that were quite mature and logical.
After getting it on all sides, at times, from my husband and his two kids and his ex-wife....it felt really good to hear my son say what he did. I totally didn't expect it and almost cried. It was very sweet.
I was about to give him the talk about how he doesn't need to worry about grown-up stuff but he was already back into watching Sponge Bob.
I am so grateful that my son is so emotionally healthy and well-adjusted.