Where do I go from here?
I've spent the last two years going back and forth between being pregnant and grieving...pregnant with Jimmy, Mom died, Jimmy died, Grandma died, pregnant again, miscarriage, pregnant again, premature birth and infant loss...all in an 18 month span.
....in that same time frame I got married, moved, blended families (Oh the drama and the hard work involved!), and swapped my career for staying at home to grieve, go through another failed pregnancy, and home school my only living child.
Lord....where do I go from here?
My life has revolved around pregnancy, hoping for babies, and grief and loss.
What do I do now?
More specifically, God, what do you want from me? What do you want me to do? Seems like in the bible, it was always perfectly clear what you wanted people to do. I've tried my best to be faithful....so where is my burning bush? Where is my booming voice from the sky telling me what to do? Where is the guiding hand of the man who walks on water? Am I missing something that's right in front of my face? Open my eyes and my ears, Lord, so I can see and hear! Remove whatever veil is preventing me from seeing what it is you have intended for me...
I'm all fired up for you God...I've been through so much and knocked down so many times that I'm tired of it and I'm ready to stand up and fight...but what am I fighting or what am I fighting for?
Just give me some guidance, God. Point me in the right direction...please.